well, that's a lie; I just feel very awake. I'd like to sleep. Being grouchy in the morning is not something I cherish, and I have to pick up Annabel at some indetermined point during the day so, early wake up call.
Also at some point I should get off my ass and schedule those appointments. Doctors and hair. One more important than the other.
but the highlight of it that I had was teaching my lecturer some simple algebra to use in her excel spread sheet. and then explain the importance of brackets.
that was it. but I felt rather sad that it brought me so much joy being able to show off such a tiny skill. one day I am going to buy myself a tutor and retake my maths a level. Just so I can finally pass. but not for many many years.
oh on a sidenote? I had a dream last night that I was buying more glow-in-the-dark-stars and this guy tried to sell me some for £100. I replied "yeah no thanks." -glad to know I still have common sense whilst dreaming- and then I can't remember exactly what happened but suddenly I was -sharing consciousness with/as a- male warewolf and the whole pack was running from these giant spiders that definitely were dreamt up from some sort of art. Oh, you know the blackened fingernails of the faery-eating-eyes-in-hands-guy from Pan's labyrinth? yeah their legs were those, just hellaload more spindly. So there were four of us running like mad and then one of them wasn't going to make it. He was in such a bad shape we wouldn't be able to carry him and have him still alive once we got to safety, so as we cried, we drank his blood so he'd be absorbed back into the pack? (I actually remember thinking 'how the hell do I know what flesh and large quantities of blood taste like to replicate this in a fucking dream') and I woke up saying "and thus dies beautiful Banquo" I kid you not.
also I've come to the conclusion that if JJ ever feels the need to bring Dr McCoy's daughter into the reboot, then well, fancas Caterina Scorsone ecause liquid-eyes genes.
I swear my favourite part of The Irrefutable Truth About Demons was Karl-liquid-eyes-Urban:
and damnit I can't find any images of her pouty/crying scene with Carpenter, (because it's adorable and shows what I mean so much better) but yes she'd be pretty perrf.
aaaaand whilst we're on the whole picture thing, halp I accidentally Daniel Craig smoking. I'm not allowed to like him because my mom loves him (so that'd be kinda weird) but
So over the last few weeks my appetite has taken a sharp downhill spiral. I don't eat enough as it is, but suddenly I'm eating barely two meals a day which thus makes me sleep longer because one doesn't feel as hungry whilst lying down and not eating means I have less energy than before anyway..
But it's not that I'm doing it that deliberately? I just can't seem to find any sort of food that seems to be worth the time it would take to cook it. I don't know. I'd feel more worried about it if I didn't feel like swimming through fog trying to work out why anyway.
basically there was this party. aaaand two of my friends (let's call them friend A and B) who I introduced a while ago and on that day decided they were going to get married and have superhistorian children and everything welp they were there, and so was the ex boyfriend of friend B, and those two occasionally hook up from time to time. And the teenage angst bit comes in that everyone was really really drunk and friend A came to me really folorn (and I hardly ever see him anything other than cheerful or content) and told me that he wanted to kiss friend B, who was still cosying up with the ex. now friend B had told me that she had no plans to sleep with anyone at this party, and that I should stop her if she gave any hints of wanting to. So I tucked a tiny note into her bra then I went to sleep (which I don't normally do at parties. I usually stay up the whole night) and kinda hid when she came looking for me. and she and the ex slept (without doing anything) in the study where no-one found them
okay here's what I was doing as all of this was going on. After getting rather drunk myself I decided all I wanted was cuddles and sleep. So I went in search of a place to rest my head and came into the first room. There was Pukka and a lady friend in there. (Pukka spent a lot of time flirting with all the girls, including me. A lot) but they let me have a bit of room. and yay cuddles. But then, this really utterly fucked off his face dude came and bundled on top of us all for about half an hour. (face tucked into my neck and I literally couldn't move. So I giggled a lot) and friend A bundled on top of him so then once cuddlecentral became The Party room I went in the host's bedroom with the intent of more cuddles and sleep, but Utterly Fucked Dude almost passed out in the corridor, and just muttered "BOOBS" at two minute intervals for the whole of that time until we got him into a bed and in the end host and he ended up sleeping together. So then I heard that Friend B and Ex were missing (because the study is really tucked out the way) and so I rolled out of the bed and had a tired look round. Then I had a long conversation with another friend about how I'm "always responsible" at parties. I just prefer all my friends to be happier and not puking rather than anything else. but yeah ugh it was just. sad. because she has no feelings for him and I hope to god this was just a passing whim on his part because it would break my heart to see him go after another of my unattainble friends and :(:(:( and the two day party turned into two one day parties and the second one is somewhere that I don't even know the name of, and don't really know the host either so I'm home and watching Primeaval first series
and got as far as Katniss talking about her "strange unshakable connection" with Peeta (who fandom has dubbed The Boy With The Bread) and gave up. Now it may just be my VAST issues with First Person perspectives, but that was cringeworthy. Plus I have better things to do right now, like pack for going to Switzerland on thursday/friday, get rid of the broken glass that's sitting on my desk, and crochet little owls.
I feel rather subdued. I had a dream with this city full of beautiful buildings and more columns and statues than I could ever imagine. I loved it. Even if it was only in my head, it felt like a memory, which is odd, because normally, even when I'm dreaming I can tell the difference between things that are completely fantasy and things that are patched in memories. And I swear I've spent all day trying to place what parts were familiar from places I've been. gah.
I promised myself that I was done with self-service fanfiction writing after that epic (length not awesomeness) Panic at the disco fic I finished in Secondary school and Say How It Tastes and generally everything I wrote on mibba when I was 14 and clearly thought I was awesome so why WHY has this fic been drafting itself as I lie in bed? dear gods I will never write it down because the main character is a mary sue royal me and the whole thing is just an pathetic attempt at scripting myself into the Harry Potter world to smirk and adore Draco and yet still be buddies with Harry and it's so 14-yr-old-girl-with-a-crush-writing that it hurts. -not in wording, though, oh no, that would be too easy but in plot drama.
but yeah. it's been edging at my consciousness for days. In other news, I updated the post I made with some other knitting things I've done, including my recent accomplishment: SOCKS! wow I'm so exciting.
Also I just came off the roleplay tumblr account I've been devoting my time to recently after breaking all my followers hearts for the second time by posting this long nicely-written (if I do say so myself) piece about how the character was sexually abused by her art teacher (the first heartbreak being her lover dying.) and so I'm feeling rather satisfied in myself and now gonna attempt to sleep before 12am for the first time since the christmas break started.... :D